Homeschooling

So… It’s been awhile ey? Yea I thought so as well. Life has been a bit tough. Lost some good friends due to moral differences. Fought an educational system due to my children not having a penis, and quit my job due to our differences in opinions at said educational system.

So lots of life changes and surprisingly they feel pretty good. I am thankful for a hard working husband who is capable of being a primary bread winner so that I can pull our kids out of a mysoginistic, stereotypical, ridiculously ignorant educational system. They will get well versed with more opportunities at home than they ever can with a common core education. So lots of prayer and hope are being poured into planning my kids an unbiased education with more worldly views.

Current anxiety’s:

I’m going to f my kids up. For real, they are going to be so messed up educationally. Even though I “know” they will be better off at home learning I still feel I’m going to screw them up. They will have plenty of socialising through extra curricular but I still feel like I’m going to miss some huge detail and they will be lacking real world experience and education.

Positive note:

My kids will grow to be kind, non-racist, non-judgemental and smart people who contribute to society. I hope to teach them to always see things from another POV and not just through their own tunnel vision.

Wish me luck folks. I have our start date on August 14, 2017. I know I will do ok but I’m still overwhelmed and anxious about this new path!

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Extra Frumpy with a side of Grumpy

Extra…super…stressed the frig out….seriously everything is grinding my nerves.  I’ve been trying to maintain my persona but it seems my facade is fading fast.  

My kids are pushing buttons with their snotty little attitudes because something doesn’t go their way.  Random people in traffic are suffering from the wrath of my horn.  Yoga isn’t working, it’s just making my body hurt.  Ive tried meditating….all I see is angry me breaking stuff.

I don’t know what’s going on with my head or why I’m stressing out so bad right now.  Is it because my kids constantly fight?  Isn’t that normal kid behavior?  Is it because they are always whining?  Don’t all kids do this?  So we’ve established normal children behavior, right?

So then what?  Is it money?  Maybe? But we just had a payday.  

Is it to much caffeine?  I had a whole pot yesterday…and a green tea latte for supper.  

I bet it is my caffeine intake…

What are the negative side affects of caffeine?

“The Mayo Clinic state that consuming more than 500-600 mg of caffeine a day may lead to insomnia, nervousness, restlessness, irritability, an upset stomach, a fast heartbeat and even muscle tremors. However, previous research has linked even moderate amounts of caffeine to negative health effects.”Oct 28, 2015

(Caffeine: how does it affect our health? – Medical News Today)

So basically I’m going to trial an error this shatty mood I’ve maintained for the last 3 days.  I’m going to try and cut back caffeine first.  It specifically says it can cause irritability.  I think I’m the poster child for that right now.

So below will be my guidelines:

“Up to 400 milligrams (mg) of caffeine a day appears to be safe for most healthy adults. That’s roughly the amount of caffeine in four cups of brewed coffee, 10 cans of cola or two “energy shot” drinks. Although caffeine use may be safe for adults, it’s not a good idea for children.”

(Caffeine: How much is too much? – Mayo Clinic)

Ideas for making up being grumpy with my kids?  Maybe movies, or movie night with popcorn and hot chocolate after school.  I could clean their rooms for them, but would that show them I’m sorry or show them they don’t have responsibilities.  I’m laughing at myself now…I’m making parenting to hard.  

I think ice cream will be a good “I’m sorry” for being frumpy, it is all on mommy.

Any ideas?  I’m open to them!

I don’t want my kids growing up thinking they done something wrong, because mommy gets stressed out.  My mom done that to my brother and I, her mom done it to her.  My mom was awesome, except when she put to much on her plate.  Then she was grumpy.  I don’t want to be that way.

So my checklist for today:

 4 cup of coffee

 Do something sweet for my kiddos

 Do something positive 

 Think in a more positive way
I think I can do these seemingly small tasks.  I will be sure to write about it if I have any issues arise.

Life is Hard

Life is hard.  Plan and simple.  It’s hard being married, it’s hard being a parent, it’s hard being an adult child with aging parents, everything about my life is hard.  

Why can’t it be easy?  Why can’t I have this post card feeling about my life?  It’s a daily struggle to deal with everything that goes on around me, I feel like I’m going to just shut down and never reboot.

My kids constantly argue, my husband gives me whiplash with his mood swings, my friends are constantly complaining about everything wrong in their lives, I worry obsessively over bills, and kids, my weight.  I’m not morbidly obese, but that is hereditary.  I guess you would say I’m average to a bit overweight.  I don’t know how.  I don’t eat fast food, I don’t drink caffeine (except coffee in mornings), I drink tons of water, and I eat a healthy diet.  I did start DDP Yoga yesterday to try and find some median of peace in exercising. 

I hear people talking about unwinding.  How the heck do you do that?  Honestly, I have no idea.  How?  Someone tell me how?  How do you live for the moment and not stress about tomorrow?  That’s my million dollar question.  I can sit here and be stressing over what I’m doing right now and be thinking about a hundred things for the next day which in turn causes me to have super high anxiety.  A viscous evil circle that seems to be never ending.

I don’t know how much more I can handle before I have a nervous breakdown.  Like, seriously….I’m broken.

Reflections and Eavesdropping?

Is it considered rude if your eavesdropping produces a positive outcome?

I was antiquing as I find it a pleasant hobby for my stress, to go and look at items from the past.  To hold them, to wonder where they have been, sat or what type of home the items were in.  It occupies my mind and allows me to wonder.  However on this particular occasion my wondering was ceased by an elderly man.  

He was on the phone with his wife, complaining about something, I really tried to not listen to his conversation.  I know how most people would feel about it, especially myself, if I were speaking in hushed tones and some nosey girl started listening to my conversation!

I ventured on a few feet and made my way to the front to leave.  I had found some nice pieces of agate stuffed back in behind some old armoire.  Can’t pass that up when you love where I do and can’t find it naturally.

So as I am waiting for the proprietor to join me I hear a phone ring, it’s the elderly man again.  This time he looks close to tears.  I listen, his wife I am assuming is complaining about money.  I hear him mention $15, $20 and then$25 dollars.  I think to myself could he need the money?  If he is about to cry and the holidays are here maybe I should just give him the money?

So he makes arraignments to borrow money off of Stan their neighbor with the woman on the phone and hangs up.  I don’t think I’ve ever seen a man’s head hang so low.  I felt awful for him.  So I reach into my pocket pull out $25 and walk over to him.  I left behind my agate…I told him I was sorry for eavesdropping on his phone conversation and handed him the money.  

He tried to tell me what was going on, but I told him that he didn’t need to explain to me unless $25 wasn’t enough then I could give him more.  He shook his head and smiled at me told me it was enough.  I smiled at him said there is always someone with bigger plans than ours I hope somehow I fit into yours today.  I wished him a Merry Christmas and said God Bless and walked out the door.

I haven’t been back to my favorite spot since then, that was the week before Christmas.  Should I be nervous about bumping into him again?  I don’t want him to think I was taking pity on him.  I genuinely was filled with the Christmas spirit and felt compelled to give him the money.
I’m nervous i hope it all turned out ok.