Assumptions UGH….

I think it is truly amazing how quick people are to lay blame on the woman when a couple splits up.  As if it were her duty to maintain the glue in a relationship.

So what if they argued a lot, maybe there’s a reason.  Maybe that woman held them together as long as she could but the the bitter resentment of adultery was something she could never get passed.

Maybe the verbal abuse, emotional neglect and emotional abuse was to great and ten years of dealing with it was too great.

What if he left her?

The point?  Behind closed doors you don’t know what happens.  You can only assume.  And for anyone who’s read my posts you know exactly how I feel about the word ASSUME!

Get a life and stay out of others affairs when it comes to the heart.  If they want your advice they will ask for your advice.  Don’t give unwarranted advice.  You could have it all wrong and in turn hurt them more than they Already are hurting.

You don’t know the cause, where it’s him or her so butt out unless seeked out!

Let them know your there that’s it!

I’m a Patriot.  What are you?

For those of you who are not American citizens, I think it’s world news that the United States is in political turmoil at the moment.

For those of us living in the USA it’s a difficult time.  You have Republicans spewing their garbage and then you have Democrats spewing more garbage.

You cannot go anywhere without hearing someone running off at the mouth about one side or the other.

I’m going to be honest I no longer identify with either group.  And it’s not because Donald Trump is president.  

It’s because if you don’t fully agree with Democrats your stupid, uneducated, not worldly enough to understand their precious point of view.  These groups of people pretend to be tolerant and non-judgemental.  When in actuality they are the total opposite if you don’t see their point or agree with them on their current topic.  They are belittling, occasionally violent, hypocrital and just flat out bullies.

Republicans are no better though.  They like to pretend that issues aren’t there like a cartoon ostrich with it’s head in the sand going, nah nah nah nah nah!  The two groups are eeirly similar.  So maybe, that’s why they don’t get along?

I’m not stupid, I know that there are major political issues that seperated the two long ago.  I’m not ignorant to the fact that Republicans fought to end slavery and Democrat’s were pro slavery.

I just think people have just lost sight of what matters. As I sit in this tiny diner listening to Conway Twitty and Patsy Cline I can’t help but think, how the world they new as normal turned into the world we now view as normal.

I find myself thinking, I’m a patriot.  I’m not going to side with either party.  I stand my fellow neighbor and my flag.  

Please see below for things that are considered intolerable in this country:

1: Violent Protesting – You are destroying your own country moron.  What you destroy tax payers have to pay to rebuild.  Dipshits.

2: Burning the American Flag – Do you know how many men and woman since 1776 has died for that fucking flag.  You’re scum ass pieces of shit need an education.  You aren’t disrespecting the President you are disrespecting every soldier that fought for the rights you have to do what you are doing.  Damn morons.

3. Wearing a Vagina on your head for women everywhere. – NO….JUST NO. God.

4. Being a RACIST – I’m going to expand this one.  Just because I think it needs to be addressed.  Racism is not simply white on black.  So for those of you that are white, and think they woke up this morning with white privilege… Uh no… No that’s not how that works.  This generation don’t know what it feels like to know what it means to see white only bathrooms, water fountains, schools etc. 

It’s fucking 2017!  Ain’t nobody got time for anybody’s racist ass.  Whether it be, black on white, Asian on black or white on black, etc.

Only fucking people in the country who can claim any discrimination by anyone present day is freaking Native Americans.  Unless you are a damn Native American in this country quit your bitching and whining.  Suck it the fuck up.  Go ask them what it feels like to be oppressed.

4. Women’s Right – I’m all for my rights as a woman.  In fact I do not feel oppressed at all.  So much in fact that a chose, I chose, to give up my career and raise my children to grow up and be just fucking like me.  Strong willed, passionate, ambious, strong minded beautiful women.  Just like me.  I don’t need some bent marching up the White House steps to tell me, Congress, or the President how I feel or how I should feel.  I am not nasty.  I am very conservative so much in fact that I believe in myself and my ability to articulate whole sentences all by myself.  I’m not going to say how old I am but I’m old enough to know that my vote over the course of the last 6 elections hadn’t done squat.  

My life is exactly as it was at 18 as it is now.  The only thing these women are doing is making the voices who need to be heard, ignored.  

The majority of what they protest, it’s not a government issue, it’s a, how is your little boy being raised to treat women issue, on the majority of what they protest.

5. Abortion – Seriously…A fetus is a baby… Wanna know why?  It has a fucking heartbeat!!!!  If your heart is beating are not alive? Are you not a person???  Hello!!!  

Personal Accountability is what’s lacking when the majority of women go to have abortions. Like, a woman knows her body, her body will carry a baby, so don’t already your legs unless you are; A: On birth control or B: using condoms. 

You know what laws should be made for men who don’t man up?  Permanent sterilization.  Jail time… Hello there are many things that could happen.

You know what should happen to women who bait men to get them preggo then don’t allow the man to be apart of the kids life?  Same thing!  WOMAN should be punished!

A child needs both parents!  So guess what sweetheart, don’t want your baby?  I know 10 couples who are unable to conceive.  Give it to them!  They would all be wonderful parents.

6. Veterans – All these people are worried about the poor pitiful refugees when we have all these poor pitiful veterans that are homeless.  Or not receiving medical care after having their legs (or any appendage) blown off by the very refugees they are wanting into the country.  

Seriously folks, educate yourself on European countries who have allowed massive amounts of refugees into the country.  Check out Germany first and the mayhem and destruction that the government can’t control there.  Talk about scared shitless, refugees from Syria, the men have NO, ZERO, respect for women.  They will rape your ass and think it’s a normal daily routine.  Like oh, brush my hair, brush my teeth, rape lady who’s giving me refuge, shower, eat breakfast, go to shelter, rape teenage girl, go to lunch with buddies.  Etc etc etc.

Veterans are more important, Americans are more important. Our veterans have horrible mental issues when they come home.  We need to provide better care for them when they are discharged from the military.

7.  Welfare Benefits – Seriously… Why is this even an issue.  People just live your life.  Try to support your family.  Don’t do drugs.  Not hard.

8. Gay rights – You know what I don’t give two shits of John blows George.  Or if Sally loves Ginny.  The government needs to acknowledge these partnerships because love is not blind.  I don’t care who you have in the sack so long as you are happy.

But there is one that I do not agree with.  I don’t care what gender you identify with, if you got a dick go in the men’s room.  If you got tits and a pussy go to the women’s.  That should just be common fucking sense.  

I’m not sure if this is all the issues.  I’m not sure if i mentioned everything that I’m passionate about.  But I do know that I’m not alone.  I know that I’m not the only one who feels this way.

Remember live for today… Don’t worry about tomorrow…

I’m a Patriot… Who’s with me?

Extra Frumpy with a side of Grumpy

Extra…super…stressed the frig out….seriously everything is grinding my nerves.  I’ve been trying to maintain my persona but it seems my facade is fading fast.  

My kids are pushing buttons with their snotty little attitudes because something doesn’t go their way.  Random people in traffic are suffering from the wrath of my horn.  Yoga isn’t working, it’s just making my body hurt.  Ive tried meditating….all I see is angry me breaking stuff.

I don’t know what’s going on with my head or why I’m stressing out so bad right now.  Is it because my kids constantly fight?  Isn’t that normal kid behavior?  Is it because they are always whining?  Don’t all kids do this?  So we’ve established normal children behavior, right?

So then what?  Is it money?  Maybe? But we just had a payday.  

Is it to much caffeine?  I had a whole pot yesterday…and a green tea latte for supper.  

I bet it is my caffeine intake…

What are the negative side affects of caffeine?

“The Mayo Clinic state that consuming more than 500-600 mg of caffeine a day may lead to insomnia, nervousness, restlessness, irritability, an upset stomach, a fast heartbeat and even muscle tremors. However, previous research has linked even moderate amounts of caffeine to negative health effects.”Oct 28, 2015

(Caffeine: how does it affect our health? – Medical News Today)

So basically I’m going to trial an error this shatty mood I’ve maintained for the last 3 days.  I’m going to try and cut back caffeine first.  It specifically says it can cause irritability.  I think I’m the poster child for that right now.

So below will be my guidelines:

“Up to 400 milligrams (mg) of caffeine a day appears to be safe for most healthy adults. That’s roughly the amount of caffeine in four cups of brewed coffee, 10 cans of cola or two “energy shot” drinks. Although caffeine use may be safe for adults, it’s not a good idea for children.”

(Caffeine: How much is too much? – Mayo Clinic)

Ideas for making up being grumpy with my kids?  Maybe movies, or movie night with popcorn and hot chocolate after school.  I could clean their rooms for them, but would that show them I’m sorry or show them they don’t have responsibilities.  I’m laughing at myself now…I’m making parenting to hard.  

I think ice cream will be a good “I’m sorry” for being frumpy, it is all on mommy.

Any ideas?  I’m open to them!

I don’t want my kids growing up thinking they done something wrong, because mommy gets stressed out.  My mom done that to my brother and I, her mom done it to her.  My mom was awesome, except when she put to much on her plate.  Then she was grumpy.  I don’t want to be that way.

So my checklist for today:

 4 cup of coffee

 Do something sweet for my kiddos

 Do something positive 

 Think in a more positive way
I think I can do these seemingly small tasks.  I will be sure to write about it if I have any issues arise.

Life is Hard

Life is hard.  Plan and simple.  It’s hard being married, it’s hard being a parent, it’s hard being an adult child with aging parents, everything about my life is hard.  

Why can’t it be easy?  Why can’t I have this post card feeling about my life?  It’s a daily struggle to deal with everything that goes on around me, I feel like I’m going to just shut down and never reboot.

My kids constantly argue, my husband gives me whiplash with his mood swings, my friends are constantly complaining about everything wrong in their lives, I worry obsessively over bills, and kids, my weight.  I’m not morbidly obese, but that is hereditary.  I guess you would say I’m average to a bit overweight.  I don’t know how.  I don’t eat fast food, I don’t drink caffeine (except coffee in mornings), I drink tons of water, and I eat a healthy diet.  I did start DDP Yoga yesterday to try and find some median of peace in exercising. 

I hear people talking about unwinding.  How the heck do you do that?  Honestly, I have no idea.  How?  Someone tell me how?  How do you live for the moment and not stress about tomorrow?  That’s my million dollar question.  I can sit here and be stressing over what I’m doing right now and be thinking about a hundred things for the next day which in turn causes me to have super high anxiety.  A viscous evil circle that seems to be never ending.

I don’t know how much more I can handle before I have a nervous breakdown.  Like, seriously….I’m broken.

Reflections and Eavesdropping?

Is it considered rude if your eavesdropping produces a positive outcome?

I was antiquing as I find it a pleasant hobby for my stress, to go and look at items from the past.  To hold them, to wonder where they have been, sat or what type of home the items were in.  It occupies my mind and allows me to wonder.  However on this particular occasion my wondering was ceased by an elderly man.  

He was on the phone with his wife, complaining about something, I really tried to not listen to his conversation.  I know how most people would feel about it, especially myself, if I were speaking in hushed tones and some nosey girl started listening to my conversation!

I ventured on a few feet and made my way to the front to leave.  I had found some nice pieces of agate stuffed back in behind some old armoire.  Can’t pass that up when you love where I do and can’t find it naturally.

So as I am waiting for the proprietor to join me I hear a phone ring, it’s the elderly man again.  This time he looks close to tears.  I listen, his wife I am assuming is complaining about money.  I hear him mention $15, $20 and then$25 dollars.  I think to myself could he need the money?  If he is about to cry and the holidays are here maybe I should just give him the money?

So he makes arraignments to borrow money off of Stan their neighbor with the woman on the phone and hangs up.  I don’t think I’ve ever seen a man’s head hang so low.  I felt awful for him.  So I reach into my pocket pull out $25 and walk over to him.  I left behind my agate…I told him I was sorry for eavesdropping on his phone conversation and handed him the money.  

He tried to tell me what was going on, but I told him that he didn’t need to explain to me unless $25 wasn’t enough then I could give him more.  He shook his head and smiled at me told me it was enough.  I smiled at him said there is always someone with bigger plans than ours I hope somehow I fit into yours today.  I wished him a Merry Christmas and said God Bless and walked out the door.

I haven’t been back to my favorite spot since then, that was the week before Christmas.  Should I be nervous about bumping into him again?  I don’t want him to think I was taking pity on him.  I genuinely was filled with the Christmas spirit and felt compelled to give him the money.
I’m nervous i hope it all turned out ok.

HOW!?!?!?!

​How….
Look at the simplicity of that little word. 

HOW….H…O…W…

Three letters that stare out at you, taunting you, with expectations.  Expectations that you should know …. HOW!

Think about the use of the word and the scenarios that could be played out with it everyday.

How to pay a mortgage.

How to mow a lawn.

How do I get over the passing of a loved one?

How did I get past my divorce?

How so, you explained it wrong?

How do you look at me and not pay attention to what I say?

How did you make it this far in life?
Seriously, this is the most menacing word in the English language.  The implications alone are daunting.  Because you are just supposed to know….HOW.

I have people tell me all the time, move on don’t dwell. (I thought I had) You should apply yourself to something useful. (I thought I was)   

If I so obviously wasn’t doing these things then HOW do I do them?

If I’m such a big waste of space in life HOW do I become not a waste of space?

This isn’t where I wanted this paper to go, but it is what it is, sorry.

I think if people knew how much I do on a daily basis they would be more responsive, respectful, instead of simply assuming.  

You know what happens when you assume right?  You make an ASS out of U and ME….I think you should know HOW to read between the lines and put that together.